My due date is about a month away and I cannot wait to meet the little human we've been cooking up for the past eight months. This will be the last time I will ever want time to go fast, I have watched enough nieces and nephews grow exponentially, heartbreakingly, to know that much.
At the weekend we had a baby shower, inviting all our friends and really just making it a big party. I was happy when my former art teacher, Ursula, came and I was able share one downside to having a baby. The fact that I won't have time or interest in creating once the baby is here. Already I have stored away my art materials and haven't drawn or painted in months. Instead I have been racing against the clock to make things for the nursery such as crib quilts, soft toys, booties etc. (you can see the results on my other blog Sew Fetish).
The past months have resulted many ruminations about who I want to be for my daughter-to-be. There's a lot of predicting and projecting that goes on when you are pregnant - mostly from other people - about who she'll become. I don't generally contribute to these conversations as I find them futile and a little oppressive. She will be whoever she wants to be, so what example do I want to set for her? I came from a creative, bookish household, a big family full of opinions and tastes. All the things I regard as most important I learned from my family not at all from school. By important things I mean kindness, thoughtfulness, compassion, a sense of humor, an awareness of the bigger world, a sense of justice (and injustice), a lack of fear of difference, a lack of interest in material possessions, a love of learning ... I could go on and on.
When I hear the utter nonsense people come out with these days I thank my lucky stars for the upbringing I had and hope I can recreate that for our child. How I do this, remains to be seen.