Cartographies

This blog is something of a two edged sword. It's invaluable in helping me reflect on my learning and progress as well as keeping me disciplined, but if I'm not careful I use it to avoid actually making any art. 

A significant hurdle for me has been to get away from language and articulation to actually just doing something. Given that I am still such a rookie, exercises like the one above are important for several reasons:

1. They are done using media I haven't used before (charcoal and wax medium) which means I'm learning new ways to work
2. They force my brain to work in a different way that is not dependent on writing or language
3. Working this way helps me overcome that initial fear of failure
4. Working this way helps me focus on process over result

 I continue to call this series of spontaneous work 'Cartographies' because I find metaphors referring to journeys apt for my studies and because it feels as if I am plotting out something that can only be done through the visual. What made my hand make these particular marks? Was it my subconscious? Was it based on a feeling? Maybe asking questions is pointless, the work does not have much to do with analysis and everything to do with action and reaction. 

Motherhood and Creativity 3

Untitled: First attempt at automatic drawing with charcoal and wax medium on paper

Barbara Hepworth's pictorial biography has been a constant companion recently. Easy to dip into while feeding or cuddling with my daughter, I find endless wisdom and inspiration there. Hepworth worked as a sculptor while having four children to care for, three of them triplets. Her attitude towards home life and creativity was holistic in that they mesh together to form everyday life.

Tracy Emin has stated that to be a successful (whatever that means) artist is impossible if one has a family.  Considering the somewhat narcissistic bent of Emin's work her views are not surprising and it's perhaps as well that she never had children. Aside from everything else, her statement seems to completely disregard countless women who have produced works of art while still managing to be caring mothers.Or indeed used motherhood as their subject matter.

True it is tougher for women, like most things seem to be, unless we learn to assert ourselves and maintain that our individuality is as important as being seen as a mother.

To think motherhood will result in the death of the creative self however, shows a lack of imagination.

Adventures in Independent Scholarship

'I'm basically going to be in debt for the rest of my life.' I hear this frequently from people who decide to pursue graduate studies, even undergraduate programs. Education has become a commodity and degrees are currency. It seems that true learning is taking a back seat to promises of well-paid jobs and the opportunity to put an alumni bumper sticker on your car.
One of my recent pastimes at work has been to look up MFA and MA programs in art and art history. Every time I do so I hope that I will find one that won't put me in the poorhouse and every time I fail. For a while it seemed that I had missed the boat and had my chance at education. A post grad program in education that it took me years to pay off and which, if I am honest, was a mistake. My desire to study art (theory and practical) was a pipe dream.

Until I realized I could go it alone and develop my own track of study. I don't need the framed degree I just want to enter a world I have envied for a long time. There's no secret, just the will to embark. That is what I have chosen to do. With so many free resources available, the opportunities for learning are infinite whilst spending little to no money. And so I choose independent scholarship, learning for the love of it.

I have decided that to study successfully there some things required:
1. Goals
2. Access to good quality resources on the subject matter of art
4. Opportunities to practice what I am learning
3. Opportunities for discussion and feedback from mentors and peers

This blog is part of the learning process, where I can write and reflect and also, hopefully provide insight and inspiration to others who have the desire to study something and yet feel formal education is not for them.

Journey Into Parenthood

February

In February I gave birth to my daughter, so the last few months have been spent, everyday, developing some way of living together as a new family. At the beginning she was a stranger - though I couldn't see it at the time.

In retrospect I realize that much of the anxiety of early parenthood results from pulling apart (gently) the fabric of life to let a new human being snuggle in.'Be prepared to fall in love' was accurate advice, but it was said blissfully, without any acknowledgement that being in love can be about anxiety as much as euphoria. The two emotions are high and jagged bedfellows.

She is three months old now and seems to change everyday. Her personality is taking shape.  My daughter was born as small piece of unformed marble: baby features rounded and vaguely defined. Each day she chips away at her own self, looking more of a unique person and displaying to us the things that make her, her. Preferences and sounds that express those preferences - recognition, delight, despair...

We are learning how to live with her, forging through an unknown landscape that becomes a little more familiar each day.

May

Motherhood and Creativity 1

My due date is about a month away and I cannot wait to meet the little human we've been cooking up for the past eight months. This will be the last time I will ever want time to go fast, I have watched enough nieces and nephews grow exponentially, heartbreakingly, to know that much.

At the weekend we had a baby shower, inviting all our friends and really just making it a big party. I was happy when my former art teacher, Ursula, came and I was able share one downside to having a baby. The fact that I won't have time or interest in creating once the baby is here. Already I have stored away my art materials and haven't drawn or painted in months. Instead I have been racing against the clock to make things for the nursery such as crib quilts, soft toys, booties etc. (you can see the results on my other blog Sew Fetish).

The past months have resulted many ruminations about who I want to be for my daughter-to-be. There's a lot of predicting and projecting that goes on when you are pregnant - mostly from other people - about who she'll become. I don't generally contribute to these conversations as I find them futile and a little oppressive. She will be whoever she wants to be, so what example do I want to set for her? I came from a creative, bookish household, a big family full of opinions and tastes. All the things I regard as most important I learned from my family not at all from school. By important things I mean kindness, thoughtfulness, compassion, a sense of humor, an awareness of the bigger world, a sense of justice (and injustice), a lack of fear of difference, a lack of interest in material possessions, a love of learning ... I could go on and on.

When I hear the utter nonsense people come out with these days I thank my lucky stars for the upbringing I had and hope I can recreate that for our child. How I do this, remains to be seen.

Papyrus Sketch

Yesterday was the last drawing class. I have missed quite a few and will not be doing any more classes for a while. Being pregnant has made evening classes a bit of a struggle and once the baby comes I doubt there will be time to do anything apart from keep the little human alive.

I have learned so much from the drawing and painting classes I have done and can't believe how much I have progressed.  I hope to try and continue to draw and make art. Below is the drawing I did of a papyrus plant in bamboo pen and ink and watercolor.

Shells

Last night in drawing class we worked on drawing small.  While taking a break to look at each other's work, I heard a class mate say 'shells are hard'. I agreed. I find them very challenging to draw and yet they seem simple when you first start and I think that is part of the problem. With a tree or a flower there's so much detail to work from and once you start to add the detail, the brain starts to see it for what it is. But a shell keeps itself concealed even after it has lost its inhabitant. Working with crow quill pens also added to the difficulty because we could not rely on color to add emphasis. Instead we had to utilize line and shading.

It is this kind of drawing the reveals the surprising complexity of nature. How a smooth shell, when looked at closely is a perfect package of biological wonder.  We all know that every snowflake is unique and while I don't know this to be true, it seems every shell would be as well. Each line formed through tidal rhythms, places where the top layer has flaked off to reveal a different color underneath; it is a visual story of their journey and existence, just like the lines and colors on our own faces tell the story of our life so far.